Could We Please Rediscover Our Manners?
For executives steering complex organizations and emerging leaders carving their paths, there’s a quiet yet potent tool often overlooked: manners. Once a cornerstone of workplace culture—or at least a goal we aspired to—they’ve eroded over time. What started as a slow drift has become a noticeable gap, fraying the threads of professionalism, trust, and human connection that hold teams and careers together. If we’re honest, the decline predates 2020, but the past few years have accelerated it, leaving us with a workplace where decency feels optional.
Think about it. When did Zoom meetings become a showcase of half-hearted effort—refusing to dress professionally from the waist up, battling dim lighting and cluttered backgrounds because a virtual backdrop was “too much,” or simply turning off the camera altogether because “we don’t need human interaction”? When did emails lose their greetings, Slack threads shed their tone, and in-person interruptions become the norm? And beyond the office, when did leaving the house—whether to the market or to fly across the country—turn into a pajama party of comfort, as if sweatpants from five days ago are a uniform for life?
Does anyone still care that the next person you meet might be a future partner, boss, or simply someone worth knowing?
The Drift from Dignity—and the Mean Girls Trap
This isn’t just about workplace norms; it’s a broader shift. We’ve traded preparation for convenience, and presence for apathy. We roll into meetings unprepared, interrupt without apology, and critique style, appearance, font choices, or even what someone’s eating for lunch in the office. Worse, we’ve let a Mean Girls mentality creep in—and it’s not reserved for high school hallways or certain corners of the United States. It’s everywhere. Snarky side comments, subtle exclusions, and petty jabs turn great workplaces miserable, eroding morale and stifling collaboration. We’ve shrugged off the excuses—fatigue, virtual fatigue, overload—and convinced ourselves that output matters more than approach. But here’s the catch: the way we engage is the work. Leaders who show up with respect, clarity, and kindness don’t just get results—they earn trust, unlock teamwork, and build environments people want to contribute to.
This isn’t a plea for forced smiles or empty gestures. It’s about a polished, approachable professionalism that says, “I value this interaction—and you.”
Manners as a Bridge
Manners aren’t about perfection; they’re about making every encounter a net positive. They bridge the gap between colleagues who can disagree without bitterness, leaders who can redirect without patronizing, and teams who can push each other without unraveling. They’re the difference between a Monday morning dreaded by your team and one met with momentum.
Imagine a tough moment handled with grace: “I’ve noticed some tension—can we take a walk and reset?” Or, “I value what we’re building together—let’s find 15 minutes to align.” Simple, direct, human. No memos, no drama—just a pivot point that leads to clarity and action.
And do you remember the last time someone at work offered you a kind word? How it polished the day, made you want to pass it on? That’s the power of manners: they ripple.
Beyond Generations, Across Interactions
This isn’t about age or era—let’s not pin it on Gen Z, Boomers, or anyone in between. Rudeness isn’t a birthright, nor is tone-deaf leadership tied to a decade. In every interaction we have with other human beings—from the first words to our spouse or kids in the morning, to the first email we send, to the cashier at Starbucks—we have a chance. A chance to make eye contact, say hello, be prepared, say thank you. So why aren’t we doing it?
The best leaders I’ve known, regardless of tenure, share a hallmark: they’re impeccable with their intent. They listen actively, respond thoughtfully, and hold people accountable without making it personal. Being hard to work with—or fostering a clique-ish, Mean Girls vibe—isn’t a personality trait; it’s a choice we can rethink.
A Practical Reset
The fix doesn’t demand a revolution—just consistency in the small stuff:
Say “thank you” when someone delivers.
Reply to messages, even if it’s “I’ll follow up tomorrow.”
Give feedback that’s clear, not cutting—no snark required.
Skip the personal jabs about hair, voice, or lunch choices.
Show up ready—whether it’s a meeting, a call, or a quick coffee run.
And when you miss the mark? Apologize. It’s a sign of strength, not surrender.
The Payoff
Manners won’t erase every challenge, but they build something invaluable: trust. They keep your team from dreading Sunday nights because Monday looms. They turn difficult conversations into turning points—moments of clarity that spark implementation, not resentment. They dismantle the Mean Girls mentality, replacing it with a culture where people feel seen, not sidelined. In a world where success hinges on relationships—across projects, teams, and careers—trust is the bedrock. And it starts with how we choose to show up, from the boardroom to the grocery aisle.
We can’t keep blaming burnout, hybrid work, or “the culture” for a dynamic we’re all feeding. Nor should we wait for someone else to raise the bar. The chance is ours: to lead with a sophistication that’s still approachable, to model the decency we want to see, and to prove that professionalism isn’t passé—it’s powerful.
Take good care and enjoy the week!
Nicole Barbano | Founder & Principal
