Perception and Portrayal: Are We Getting It Right?
Last week’s extravagant billionaire wedding, with its parade of 8% Kardashians on the guest list and a noticeable absence of lifelong friends or family, sparked a sixth degree of separation and reflection on why I do what I do as a corporate and executive coach.
From rural hospitals to startups to Fortune 1000 companies, I’m often hired to bridge the gap between how organizations and individuals want to be perceived and how they are actually perceived. Too often, these two are misaligned, and the consequences can be profound.
The Disconnect Between Perception and Portrayal
How we want to be seen is frequently undermined by how we present ourselves.
Take rural healthcare, a sector I’ve served for 20 years, placing thousands of professionals across 42 states.
Recruiting and Consulting for Rural Healthcare and Rural America has been one of the greatest honors of my career.
Yet, I’m struck by the performative “doom loop” of complaints—cash shortages, overworked staff, housing challenges—that dominates the narrative.
Yet, these very organizations are quick to point out that their leaders or facilities rank in a Top 100 class of lists for pay for performance recognition, while in the next breath, posting and praying about how hard it is.
Rural healthcare should be perceived as strong, innovative, and autonomous, a beacon of opportunity for communities in need.
Instead, its relentless focus on struggles, coupled with stagnant leadership and untrained boards expecting CEOs to solve every microaggression or find specialists for every ailment, creates a self-fulfilling prophecy of failure.
Photo by DS stories:
This isn’t unique to healthcare. The billionaire wedding, with its curated guest list and magazine-cover moments, is another example. It portrayed opulence but lacked the authenticity of life’s most precious moments, leaving many questioning its sincerity.
We are judged by the company we keep, the posture we hold in meetings, our ability to maintain eye contact, and the impeccability of our word.
Yet, as I often see in my coaching practice, we either fail to recognize this simple equation—2 + 2 = 4—or we don’t care. The latter is worse.
The Performative Trap
Why do we undermine the image we intend to project? Modern life has become inherently performative. We feel compelled to broadcast curated moments—whether it’s Taco Tuesday or a billionaire’s yacht party—mistaking them for real life. Along the way, we trade quiet reflection and strategic action for empty performance and unnecessary complaints, hoping for sympathy to justify poor decisions and inaction.
This performative cycle erodes authenticity and muddles how others perceive us.
Perception and portrayal have layers.
Managing emotions, behavior, and demeanor for a desired effect—and knowing when to adapt—is key. It's a well-defined muscle that doesn't rely on a dopamine hit to survive.
A stern boss who uses silence or strong language deliberately, with a clear goal, commands respect. But the same behavior, unplanned and erratic, breeds distrust. Similarly, a leader or emerging leader who hides behind contracted body language or struggles to articulate their thoughts loses power, like a ship adrift at sea.
Time, Tone, and Goal: A Framework for Alignment
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In my coaching practice, I emphasize three elements for every interaction: Time, Tone, and Goal. Whether I’m chatting with a cashier at my favorite coffee shop or consulting with a client, I approach each conversation with intention.
Because each person I'm interacting with deserves my full attention, intention, and respect.
How do I want to be perceived?
What portrayal will achieve that?
Do I need to listen more, set clear expectations, or focus on a micro-interaction that could lead to a macro outcome?
This framework applies universally.
Consider the billionaire wedding again: couture costumes (including Scarlet O'Hara waistlines of post-childbirth and post-menopause women), and burlesque-style pajama parties paraded for the public.
The portrayal was spectacle, but the perception? For many (those of us waiting for Amazon packages while watching its founder on social), it felt hollow, more Hunger Games than profound.
Contrast that with a leader who shifts the narrative, the social, the meeting from complaints to innovation, aligning their portrayal with a vision of strength and opportunity. The difference is intentionality.
Crafting Your Narrative
We all have the power to shape how we’re perceived by controlling or at least managing how we portray ourselves.
It starts with self-awareness: understanding the impact of your words, actions, and demeanor.
Our attention to our appearance. Would you interview for a job or go on a date with how you showed up to work or Zoom today? Look at your inbox, unread text messages, the people who asked for information or help that you've ignored. Are the emotional side effects of your actions portraying your values and your character?
Are you projecting confidence or chaos?
Authenticity or artifice? Next, set a clear goal for each interaction, whether it’s building trust with a colleague or inspiring a team. Finally, adjust your tone and timing to match the context—know when to listen, when to speak, and how to carry yourself.
The billionaire wedding, with its curated excess, reminds us that portrayal without purpose risks alienating the very audience you seek to impress.
Meanwhile, rural healthcare’s struggle to reframe its narrative shows how entrenched habits can sabotage perception.
In both cases, the lesson is clear: align your portrayal with your desired perception, and do so with intention. Or risk alienating or minimizing those whose company, business or respect you seek.
How do you want to be perceived?
And what are you doing to portray that? In a world of foam parties and Insta wedding dress magazine covers, the quiet work of strategy, grit, and authenticity still wins.
